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Living Smitten in Silence

A day in the life of a Techie

Created on 2005-01-30 15:34:13 (#5957983), last updated 2008-07-13

580 comments received, 1,281 comments posted

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238 Journal Entries, 18 Tags, 4 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 5 Userpics

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Name:	scoffsatgravity
Location:	Mapleton, Utah, United States

Bio


Marriage is love.


Self-Injury: You are NOT the only one.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 is SI Awareness Day.

Gaff Tape is Love

"Once you get what you "want," you find you were wrong all along."

"When you develop an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it's just what you've been searching for all these years." ~pirate_queen33 (Beaches)

"Crying is the expression of an emotion that we don't know how to convey."

"This is how the world ends...Not with a bang but a whimper." ~T.S. Elliott's The Wasteland

"Once upon a time, there was a boy who had a life that was not a life. He lived in a house that was not a house, with a father who was not his father. His friends were not true friends, and basically he had nothing at all going for him. On the number line of boys, he was a zero, neither positive nor negative, neither whole nor fractional. Then one day a princess agreed to go to a basketball game with him. Fool that he was, he had a fleeting moment of glee. He thought that he could become a musician, a scholar, a romantic figure. But something cannot be made out of nothing. Dust rose in the air, caught the rays of the sun for a brief moment and sparkled, and then returned to the earth as mere dust. The princess saw him for what he was and despised him. His father, who was not his father trumped him at every turn. His friends who were not his friends likened him to carrion. He was cruel to his teachers, who were sensitive, fragile people, like himself, deserving kindness and respect. Ultimately, even his tuba could no longer stand to be played by him, so it committed brass instrument suicide in front of the entire band family-something that Professor Kachooski over there will no doubt confirm has never happened before in all the centuries of recorded music history." ~ You Don't Know Me By: David Klass

"Sweet Lord, use that girl's blonde hair as a lightning rod and strike her down!"

"I looked over at Cindy, and narrowed my eyes slightly in the bright sunlight. You'll find that someone, I thought with a small smile. After all, you want the family life that I abhor. I looked out over the field. So many people having been taught that women are supposed to be homemakers and the second-in-command, the father being the head of the family, and the one that goes out and makes the money. I don't want that, I thought." ~Stephanie Hathcock

"Only somebody that is living a perfect life can truly judge who is living life correctly."

"Some eat to live and others live to eat, I believe I eat so there's a reason to use the silverware that I spent my entire life's saving to get. I ask for freedoms but I find that when I reach my goal, I feel more caged then I did before. If only I could see what I wanted when I had the chance to get it."

"but there are moments when time doesn't matter. there are the hours when you're not in a car, surrounded. there are moments when it's just about the people. about your mother crying into her dinner in the dining room where no one eats. about the father who grips screwdrivers instead of his wife's shoulder blades." ~ _____laforce

"When did I start caring about all this? Why do I care? I'm not doing it for me. I was never doing it for me. They say have a good time as I'm leaving the house, dreading the next 45 minutes because I am forcing myself to become someone more desirable so I won't be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I dread every single minute I spend in that place, so I put on my headphones and crank up the volume and daydream myself into a life I can't ever have, telling myself that if I just lose the weight then it *might* be possible. Then the song ends and I sigh sadly and up the speed/incline and pray to whatever/whoever is in charge to just let. it. end. I'm sick of my physical self. I'm sick of my mental self. I want a magic cure-all that will let me be desirable and happy."

for three years, i was not laura. i was depression, anorexia, and an anxiety disorder. now i'm just laura. i don't have a clue who she is.

The look in my eyes said "I Love You." The look in her eyes said "I'm drunk."

"Most of the time I feel like an emotional void, not giving two shits about people who really deserve it, yet I fall in love with strangers at least twice a day, defend the biggest scumbags on the planet to their closest friends who hate them and despise people I barely know. What the hell?"
~ pirate_queen33

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